When was the last time you felt completely in control? Like all the ducks were in the perfect row possible. All those hours of planning the perfect day not only for yourself but the whole family . Like everything just seemed to be falling into place. At what point did you come to the realization that “Now this is perfect”. Was it when you were busy doing something else or planning the next task or when you took a deep breath and took a moment for yourself and paid attention to your feelings? I bet your answer is the latter when you were relaxed and gave yourself time to pause when you noticed the power of that single moment. Those are the *liminal spaces that the realizations of life happen in.
We spend so much time doing that just being feels like we are wasting the time. We have a misconception that when something doesn’t feel right, we have to right away jump into action to fix the feelings or our situation. Because we women are great at telling ourselves catastrophic stories in our head, leading us to react and not respond. We as women in particular feel entitled to fix all the problems for everyone in our family. It makes us feel really great about ourselves when we feel like we are the makers and the doers. But why then, are we constantly feeling anxious and worried, irritable, agitated and easily annoyed?
I will tell you why from my own experience. In the past 20 years as a wife and a mom, I believed over doing would make me the most important person of the family and in turn provide me the validation that my existence means so much to so many. Yet, there was this constant voice in my head that nagged me saying “no one cares for me despite me being so hands on and being the full time caregiver” One fine day after a huge life’s trauma, the voice suddenly stopped and despite that being the period of grief, I felt a sense of content that I had never felt before. I noticed I was not doing any of those daily chores that I constantly did for others yet my soul felt connected. I found out the reason was that I had hit the PAUSE button. I was not trying to cover up the constant nagging voice with an extremely busy schedule. I was allowing myself to ruminate in the feelings. I was not trying to fix it or solve it. It was like I let my boat float with whatever direction the wind was taking my boat in. I was not resisting. I was responding.
As the grievance period was coming to a close, I could feel the old habit, an old voice slowly creeping back into my head. Only this time, after having taken the mindfulness practitioner course, and practicing mindful dot art https://youtu.be/hu16YPqX0OU , I was aware of this new guest voice in my head. With this awareness came a new sense of command. I had to go through with my mental help exercise.
- Take a deep breath
- Acknowledge the presence of the new guest voice
- Provide a little bit of attention to see what exactly was the voice trying to tell me
- Is this a pattern thinking? Is this a life threatening fear that you really need to do something about? Or is this just another random chatter of the mind, you know something people do to fill in awkward silences?
- With a smile gently say goodbye to the voice and say you got it under control now and that the voice could leave.
This was so difficult in the beginning because I would catch myself quite late in the game of this incessant thinking after the guest voice had sent me in a spiral of negative thoughts and stories. But with months of practice, I am now able to change the tone of this guest voice , my self talk. As mindfulness practices suggest, it is the matter of applying and reapplying the 7 attitudes of mindfulness practice over and over again. I will introduce you to the 7 attitudes in the coming newsletters and blogs. But for now, it is suffice to know that the first step is to recognise that guest voice in your head.
If you get too used to that low rumble of stress always being there, it can gradually grow, creating a stress “habit” that is detrimental to your health and well-being. Consequently, when we get caught up in patterns of reactivity, we create more distress in our lives. This is why it’s so important to discern clearly the difference between reacting with unawareness and responding with mindfulness.
Do you hear a guest voice providing constant running commentary on judging yourself? Do you feel tired and exhausted at the end of the day, feeling anxious and overwhelmed? Like no amount of exercise or healthy eating or going on diets or even drinking and partying with friends is able to stop that uninvited guest voice to repeat his speech over and over again?
The simplest answer is to just take a PAUSE.
Be brave and speak to the guest voice directly. Let us wear our own masks, care for ourselves in a way we have never before. Not with visits to the spa or the mall or to another mindless movie on Netflix. Let us first learn to acknowledge the voice in our head. Mindfulness can be of great benefit, as it can enable people to become better able to separate themselves from negative thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations that may be present, often before they become too overwhelming.
Connect with me, book a one on one session with me and we will create a safe space for you through the simple ancient Mindful dot art technique to start gathering the tools to master the skills needed to recognize, reach out and respond to this guest voice in your head.
If you would like to continue on this journey of learning more about ways to introduce mini awareness sessions during your day, sign up for my newsletter, so I can guide you into the beautiful world of present. Make you feel comfortable with the awkward silence that comes with just being with yourself and your thoughts. Help you realize the joy of your own company.
Thank you for taking the time to read along. I am dedicating this blog to all the women on behalf of March Women’s history month. We are just not the history we are the future.
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